While this may seem like an overly philosophical question to ask for something so simple and natural as the desire to attract the opposite sex, everything else hinges on how it’s answered. That’s because unless you’re crystal clear about your motives, you risk suffering cognitive dissonance in your pursuit of poon. You’ll always be wondering “is this really what I want? Is this the right use of my time?”

So let’s get a bit philosophical, shall we? Why seduce? What’s the point?

I define seduction simply as the ability to attract a mate (and for the purposes of this blog, a woman). Half of what makes this ability so alluring for men comes from the balls: men are horny scoundrels—they seduce to fill their insatiable sexual appetite.

I personally think this is ample enough reason to chase tail. Sex, even the much maligned “casual sex”, can be healthy (I can already hear the calls for my execution). But perhaps the weakness of this position is betrayed by the words I just used: to “chase tail” conjures an image of a dog running in circles. The chase never ends when it’s led by the balls. Sperm replenishes and the body shouts “again, again!” with the pursuit ultimately devolving into pure hedonism.

So let’s move on to the second (and more interesting) reason why men seduce, which comes from the head and the heart: men seduce as a way to test and validate their manliness.

By “validate”, I’m not talking about the temporary, ego-soothing validation a boy gets when his mother tells him how special he is. I mean something deeper. If a man can attract beautiful women, it’s generally an indication that he has other things going for him—there’s something that adds up. Perhaps he’s good-looking or has a well-paid job. Maybe he’s a top athlete or has the gift of the gab. Essentially, a man’s success with women is a lagging indicator of his success in life. What could possibly more validating to a man than having a woman – the gatekeeper of human reproduction – agree to have sex with him? 

But here’s the catch: the correlation between the two – success with women / life – is never 1:1.  Mate selection is not meritocratic.

There are many reasons for this, but they generally fall within two categories:

1. Emotions
   Since attracting women is so much about emotions and hormones, about the id and the hindbrain, there’s a lot of variability, luck, and at least a modicum of manipulation, ranging from blatant deceit^[1] to subtle salesmanship^[2].

2. Poor screening
   Women, like men, have a primitive and rudimentary way of screening for attractiveness courtesy of natural selection. Some generally desirable traits such as altruism aren’t really considered, while others, such as kindness, are actually a turn off (nice guys click here). Conversely, some generally undesirable traits, such as psychopathy, are often considered attractive.

A woman therefore doesn’t necessarily choose the best man to be her mate. She might go for a Charles Manson over a Barack Obama, which should be a sufficient enough indicator that winning with women ≠ winning at life. This is where many men say “no way, not for me” and Go Their Own Way™.

So now we pose the question again. Why seduce? Is seduction even a game worth playing?

It’s still a yes from me. Two seemingly contradictory ideas can be true at once:

1. Men should have an internal locus of control in which their self-worth is primarily based on what Warren Buffet calls the “inner scorecard“. They should mostly chase goals, not girls, and their successes or failures with the latter shouldn’t affect their equanimity.

2. Women’s attraction towards a man can roughly indicate whether he is living up to his full potential.

In other words, my view is that there must be some validity in women’s mate selection or else the species wouldn’t have got as far as it has.

In fact, there is an elusive quality that women screen for incredibly well and that men should absolutely strive to attain. Women are exceedingly sensitive to it and can detect its presence (or absence) in a man better than he himself can. Above all else, it’s the pursuit of this quality that makes seduction a worthy goal.   

Fitness

At root, seduction is a test of fitness.

It doesn’t always appear to make sense why women go for certain men, but if you look close enough, fitness is almost always the answer. Why did Woman A go for the fat guy? Because he’s rich and successful. Why did Woman B go for the broke guy? Because he’s tall and muscular. Why did Woman C go for the short, fat, broke guy? Because he’s confident. All of these traits boil down to fitness.

I cannot stress this enough: Fitness is worth pursuing in its own right. More fitness = less suffering. The more physically fit, mentally resilient, spiritually fulfilled, socially adroit, financially stable, etc. you are, the better off you’ll be regardless of whether it gets you the sex and love you crave.

But what is fitness exactly? Fitness is simply a predisposition to outlast the competition. It comes in so many forms that it’s impossible to pin it down precisely. But as Justice Potter Stewart said of pornography, “I know it when I see it”. Women know it when they see it.

As you know, even some of the most seemingly degenerate men are good at seducing women because they have a core fitness women find attractive. While one shouldn’t model their life around these men (pin it on your wall: mate selection is not meritocratic) the traits that contribute to their fitness should still be studied. The psychopath is not a worthy role model, but some of his attractive traits (charm, focus, even a bit of narcissism) are worth emulating.^[3]  You certainly don’t want to model your life around the convicted felon, but if he has multiple women waiting for him on the outside, then you can learn a thing or two about risk-taking and boundary setting.

The most important takeaway here is that you should always strive to increase your fitness. Seduction is a rewarding pursuit because, besides all the sex and love you can get from it (and if you do it well, you’ll get loads), it teaches you a thing or two about your fitness.

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^[1]

E.g., the male cuttlefish, which will pose as a female for “sneaky copulation”, or the “Tinder Swindler”, who spun an elaborate backstory to earn women’s affections and money.

^[2]

Such as wearing garish clothes to stand out from the crowd, a.k.a., “pea-cocking”.

^[3]

I highly recommend The Wisdom of Psychopaths by Kevin Dutton.