SPEAK LESS. I get it, you’re passionate about that Beatles documentary. You have strong views about the political crisis in Venezuela and you’re bursting to share tales from your semester abroad.

True, women do love a passionate man. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve deepened mutual attraction simply by talking about something that animates me. There are also quite a few women who are genuinely attracted to intelligence, so you should get a feel for whether your romantic interest is a “sapiosexual”.

But even then, you still need to shut the fuck up. Talk, but talk less. Listen more. Let her do the talking. Make her feel heard and understood and amplify the things she says so you can build comfort. You know how good it feels to share stuff with an engaged listener? Give her that privilege.

You need to listen well, of course. As Heartiste says, “the strongest skill you can bring to any interaction with a woman is the ability to listen and remember”. Be engaged and deepen the conversation—you’re building rapport not interrogating her. It’s a bit of a chore and may require some feigned interest, but someone has to do it. By shouldering this burden, you make her feel relaxed and at ease.

Plus, talking too much is feminine—sexual polarity (the attraction that builds between masculine and feminine energy) is still at play even during a seemingly innocent tête-à-tête. Heartiste again: “Less talking is always sexier than more talking…..Flailing for the “right” words is approval-seeking beta behaviour that women can sniff from across a room.”When you listen, you’re doing the hard part and letting her coast. It’s no different than when you plan a date, drive to the venue, open the door, and pay. You’re goal is always the same: make her feel at ease, and use that as fertile ground for building attraction. In a roundabout way, shutting up is a form of leading.