As I write this, people everywhere are transfixed by the World Cup. Even those who don’t care much for football (soccer) find themselves heavily invested in the quadrennial tournament. Of all its captivating spectacles, from hundreds of thousands of compatriots chanting in unison to last-minute goals in extra time, nothing is more thrilling to watch than a heart-stopping penalty kick.

Before each PK, the camera will zoom in on the face of the kicker so all the world can see how nervous he is. Some players manage the nerves well, but others look petrified. All of them, without exception, seem at least a little uneasy—it wouldn’t be natural for a human to feel total calm in the face of so much pressure.

When the whistle blows, however, these kickers take bold action—action so decisive it looks completely at odds with the fear they exhibited only a few moments prior. It’s a beautiful thing to watch, really, because it encapsulates what men have done for as long as they’ve walked the earth: act despite inner resistance. Do things even though they suck.

The penalty kick in the game of seduction is the approach. Through the ages we men could display extreme bravery on the battlefield and yet completely freeze up at the thought of approaching a beautiful woman. Half the world’s armies could be thrown at us and we’d still stand tall—our Kryptonite was, and always will be, the glorious brunette across the room.

I sadly don’t have the recipe for how to get past “approach anxiety”. I’ve tried many methods, some better than others, but none have been reliable. The only surefire solution for me is alcohol, which doesn’t really count (you can’t always be tipsy). And while I’ve boldly taken the leap and talked to women despite inner chaos, that’s not really teachable as I can’t say how or why I did it.

The closest thing to an answer is probably that there is no answer—you just need to approach. Approach anxiety is related to procrastination in this way, since the best remedy for procrastinators is to do the thing they’re procrastinating on (author and productivity coach Steve Chandler’s three steps for overcoming procrastination: “list three things you’ve procrastinated on. Do those three things.”)

Roosh’s answer to approach anxiety is like this. He writes in Bang:

I don’t care if your heart is about to explode from your chest, if your face is redder than a tomato, if you can barely breathe, or if you’re on the floor having a seizure while foaming from the mouth–you’re going to look a girl in the eyes, open your mouth, and say the words.

Part of me thinks this is great wisdom, part of me thinks it’s circular reasoning (if you can’t do x then do x). If it turns out it’s the latter, and I suspect it is, then we’re back at square one.

My way past this impasse is simply this: take Roosh’s advice and just approach, no matter how nervous you are. But if that invisible wall is still holding you back, then do something, anything, that you find difficult due to inner resistance. Remember Bill O’Reilly’s “fuck it, we’ll do it live”? I think all men should work that muscle at least once a day.

And never underestimate small wins: even just not reaching for your phone when you really want to is working the same muscle that will get you to make that approach. It’s exercising the same neural networking that will get you to do the thing you want to do but can’t due to inner resistance. So take a deep breath, focus your mind, and take that penalty kick.